Regenerative Compassion

If your experience is anything like mine these days with the unprecedented societal upheavals exacerbating our day-to-day stressors, you may be trying to figure out how to maintain personal sanity while seeking ways to tend to our hurting world. Bringing compassion to the pain that we are observing and experiencing right now is a logical expression of care. But it’s not always a simple task.

For some of us, the pain feels too large to safely open our hearts for fear that we might be overwhelmed and swallowed up by the magnitude of the pain. As a result, we may end up feeling immobilized and stuck. For others, our instinct is to lurch forward to fix and change what brings us discomfort. And yet, without a clear target, action plan or centered place from which to act, we may end up feeling exhausted and defeated.

As I work with the current stressors of these times, I find myself vacillating between both ends of the continuum. Some days I am lurching into unskillful action, not directed by clarity but by fear and anxiety. On other days, I find myself immobilized, stuck and too exhausted to think clearly.

When I have the wherewithal to bring awareness to the strong currents of my emotions, I know to return to the basics of my mindfulness practice. I remind myself to slow down, to breathe deeply, to notice and acknowledge what I am feeling and to send myself a strong dose of compassion. “This too,” I repeat to myself, signaling that I can hold space for whatever is arising. As I know all too well, avoiding the big and fearful emotions will only make them grow stronger. So I sit with a lot of pain, fear and sadness these days.

I know I’m not alone. The struggles around me are palpable and I watch others vacillate between instinctively lurching into action and sinking into the defeat of immobilization. On either side of this spectrum, it is so easy to bypass the most critical action we can actually take during difficult times – bringing tenderness to ourselves in our moments of pain. Self-compassion is often the last thing we turn to, but it is the most valuable action we can take.

Self-compassion heals. And it is the prerequisite to any authentic care we can offer to others. We can’t begin to mend our hurting world unless we learn how to care for ourselves.

I taught a class called Cultivating Compassion in the early months of the COVID pandemic. I shared then that our instinct is often to lurch into action when we find ourselves swimming in uncertainty. One consequence of that approach is destabilization when we aren’t grounded prior to acting. Based on common misunderstandings of compassion, I suggested a path for developing “wise and sustainable” compassion, which requires developing mindfulness and deep self-awareness.

I recently returned to the transcript of the class and found my messages from five years prior eerily similar to what I am reflecting on today as our political climate creates a parallel landscape of uncertainty. So I leave you with ChatGPT’s condensed version of my class here as an offering to ponder how we can cultivate a wise compassion that allows us to both care for ourselves and for the hurting world during the most challenging of times.

What People Get Wrong About the Benefits of Compassion

Compassion is often seen as an unquestionable good—something that makes us better people, strengthens our communities, and improves well-being. But despite its many advantages, the benefits of compassion are frequently misunderstood. People often assume that being compassionate means absorbing others' suffering, always saying yes, or giving without limits. However, the science of compassion tells a different story. Let’s explore some of the most common misconceptions and what the research actually says.

Myth #1: Compassion and Empathy Are the Same Thing

Many people equate compassion with empathy, believing that feeling another person’s pain is necessary to be compassionate. However, empathy—where you feel what someone else is going through—can actually lead to empathetic overload, stress, and burnout.